


i’d kill you everytime

by treesandbees



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Crack, Established Relationship, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fuck Marry Kill game, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gay Shiro (Voltron), M/M, POV Outsider, Secret Relationship, Soft Keith (Voltron), pidge centric, pidge is 18 in this just to let y’all know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-21 02:47:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18136109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/treesandbees/pseuds/treesandbees
Summary: “Okay, fine. I’m going to have to... kill Allura, fuck Lance and marry Coran.”“Pidge!”She shrugged. “Coran’s like 10,000 years old. And marriage says nothing about fucking.”“I’m pretty sure marriage involves fucking. There are rules, Pidge.” Hunk objects.She scoffs. “You got the rule book?”(the one where they play fuck, marry, kill, Lance & Keith act suspcious and Pidge fails to ScienceTM)





	i’d kill you everytime

Lance’s eyes flicker between Pidge and Hunk. She stares at Hunk challengingly, her brows furrowed in thought

“Okay, fine. I’m going to have to... kill Allura, fuck Lance and marry Coran.” She leans back, eyebrow raised as if to say ‘is that the best you’ve got?’.

Hunk’s lips quivered, a laugh bursting out of him as he looked at Lance’s horrified face.

“ _Pidge_!” He screeched, burying his face in his hands, his eyes peaking through his fingers. “You may be older now, but you’re still a little fifteen year old boy in my eyes!” His body shudders, making Hunk snort.

She only shrugged in reply. “Coran’s like 10,000 years old. And marriage says nothing about fucking.”

“I’m pretty sure marriage involves fucking. There are rules, Pidge.” Hunk objects, waving his arms at her. Pidge isn’t usually wary of Hunk but he’s weirdly competitive for someone so gentle natured- she recons they’ve only got round or two before he brings in Zarkon.

“You got the rule book? No? It’s not my turn anymore, anyways.” She turns to Lance.

“Lance.” Her lips curve into a cunning smirk and she pushes up her glasses.  
“Shiro, Allura and Keit-“

The door creaks open, and all three of their heads whip to the door. Two of the aforementioned people are standing in the doorway, eyebrows raised.

“What’s going on in here?” Shiro crosses his arms. His eyes are sparkling with amusement, as if he can guess what sort of game they’re playing. Allura peers cluelessly from behind him.

“We’re playing fuck, marry, kill.”

“Language Pidge.” Shiro reprimands. She rolls her eyes. She’s heard him swearing so many times she’s lost count. Just recently, when he’d gotten his prosthetic stuck inside an old piece of Altean machinery, Pidge had heard the word ‘fuck’ a total of 62 times. And she had counted.

She couldn’t bring that up now through, because she might have (possibly) stayed hidden behind him, videoing the whole thing. But she was saving that video for a code red level emergency, so she stays quiet.

“What is fuck, marry, kill?” Allura asks. “And how were me, Shiro and Keith involved?”

“Basically, it’s an Earth game where you give someone in the group three names and they have to choose to either fuck-“

“Language, Hunk.” Shiro interrupted. Can’t we do the PG version?” His cheeks flush red.

For one of the oldest people on the ship, he’s one of the most easily flustered people when it comes to sex. Pidge still has nightmares about the time when he’d tried to give her the ‘talk’, just after her seventeenth birthday. She doesn’t think she’s ever seen someone’s face go so red.

(She still can’t figure out how he thought she didn’t know about sex at seventeen. She wonders if Keith, Lance and Hunk had to go the same talk with him. Ha! She imagines Keith’s reaction to _that_.)

“Yes, I agree with Shiro.” Lance nods vigorously. Her eyes roll to the back of her head. Liar, he just doesn’t want to have to say he’d fuck one of them in front of Allura and Shiro. This is gold- she can’t have imagined a better time for them to walk by.

“No.” Both Pidge and Hunk speak at the same time.

“What’s PG?” Allura pipes up as Shiro opens his mouth to speak, effectively cutting off his rebuttal. “Let’s just play how you were before.”

“Okay, well Princess’ orders, sorry Shiro.” Pidge smirks victoriously.

“Yeah, I’m sure you are, gremlin.” Lance hisses at her. “Just wait until your turn.”

She sticks her tongue out at him and he pulls a face.

“We should get Keith in here too, we can make it into a team bonding exercise.” She claps her hands.

Strangely, Lance doesn’t react to that, despite his earlier theatrics. She eyes him suspiciously. She was expecting his dramatic ass to scream or something. Not even a sigh. Her eye twitched slightly, her body fighting the urge to immediately analyse him.

Allura turns to Shiro with an excited smile. “Can you go and find Keith for us while the others explain this earth game to me?”

“Sure Princess.” He nods, making his way out of the door.

“So what do you have to do to play this game?”

“You list three people to give to someone and they have to choose who they’d fuck, marry or kill.”

“Fuck?”

The tips of Hunk’s ears flushed. “Um...”

“It’s an earth term for procreation.” Pidge says.

“Oh!” Allura begins to blush as well.

Shiro returns with Keith, who has his arms crossed even as he walks in. They both sit down on the sofa next to the others. Pidge brings up her legs to sit underneath her, balancing her chin on her fists.

“Lance?” She prompts, before turning to the others to explain. “I gave Lance a choice between you three.”

Shiro chokes on air.

“Oh.” Allura’s blush was back in full force, her skin darkening prettily.

“Well, I think the answer is obvious here.” Lance speaks with sudden confidence. “Marry Shiro, Fuck Allura and Kill Keith.”

Shiro looks like he can’t quite figure out how he feels about the choice but doesn’t seem surprised. It does seem the obvious choice for Lance to kill Keith and they’ve all see him thirst after Allura, which only leaves Shiro for him to marry.

Allura just smiles good naturedly, used to Lance’s flirting by now.

But Keith... his face is clean of emotion showing no reaction at all. It’s almost too clean, as if kept blank on purpose.

Her eye twitches again, but this time she gives up resisting her urges to Science **TM**. She was watching them anyway, why not turn them into a research project?

Probably because it’s immoral and could possibly get her into trouble if she let slip anything.

But, Lance _was_ acting weird. It was for the good of the team that she got to the bottom of it.

She imagined the dark kermit meme as she argued with herself.

She missed memes.

Lance speaks up, cutting her out of her thoughts. “Okay, Allura, your turn.” He pauses, head tilting as he thinks. “What about Shiro, Hunk and Lotor.”

“Kill Lotor, fuck Shiro and marry Hunk.” Her reply is immediate.

Hunk beams. “Thanks, Allura.”

“Shiro next.” Hunk says. “Allura, do you want to do this one?”

“Okay, um- Romelle, Shay and Lance.” She smiled mischievously.

Shiro shifted, looking wildly uncomfortable. “I guess marry Romelle, kill Shay and fuck Lance.”

Lance’s eyes bugged out of his head. Pidge almost swallowed her tongue she was laughing so hard.

“What?” Lance blinked.

“You were the only one on that list that is actually a guy so... yeah.” Shiro ducked his head slightly, scratching the back of his head bashfully.

Hold up. Shiro liked dudes?

Oh my God, she needed to stop spending time with Lance- this was like the time she’d told them she was a girl and he’d been the only one not knowing. How could she not have known? As a scientist, she prided herself on being observant.

She looked at Hunk, who’s face was a similar picture to Lance’s, his jaw slightly ajar.

“We’ll try and give you three guys next time.” She says to him, trying to recover her wits- she was not trying to put herself in the dumbass group with Lance.

“Me too.” Keith says. His eyes flickered around, as if he couldn’t figure out whether or not he wanted to look at them or not.

“God, this is going to be tricky trying to find all these dudes- we might have to bring in some earth people, sorry ‘llura. Me? I’m open for any one.”

“I’m straight, but you can give me dudes.” Hunk smiles. “Makes it more fun that way.” He rubs his hands together. “Okay, Keith’s turn next. What about James Griffin, Shiro and-“ He smirks. “Lance?”

Keith looks aghast. “You don’t have to fuck the person you marry right, I mean that’s not specified or anything?”

“No.” “Yes.” Hunk and Pidge spoke at the same time.

“I’m gonna say no and marry Shiro, fuck Griffin and kill Lance.”

“But what if you had to fuck the person you married?” Hunk probes. His nosiness was really helping her research.

Keith blanches. “No! I can’t fuck Shiro.”

Shiro looked equally green. “Let’s just say you don’t have to have sex with the marry choice.”

“But what if you had to?” Pesters Hunk.

“The same.” Keith spits out, looking down at his lap as if it physically pained him.

Interesting. He still chose to kill Lance. She was itching to write this all down- she couldn’t figure out what to think of their behaviour. She knew, obviously, that they would chose to kill each other, they tried to on a regular basis anyway, but why were they being so weird about it.

And she would have thought Keith would rather fuck even Lance than Shiro. They were like brothers to each other, but he’d still been determined to kill Lance.

Wow, Pidge must have underestimated their hatred for each other.

They all went round in a circle for a while. She had been right, it only took three rounds before Hunk brought in Zarkon. The unlucky recipient of that round had been Shiro, which had Lance falling off the couch in peels of laughter.

Pidge’s eyes fluttered sleepily. She was now leaning against Lance, who was talking to Hunk. They’d give up on fuck, marry, kill almost an hour ago but had been kept there talking.

The lack of sleep from the previous three nights were taking a toll on Pidge’s body now. She would have to give up her research on Keith and Lance for now.

Although, unless they started acting weird again, she’d probably leave it- that coding to the new rover she’d found was calling her name.

“Well, paladins, even though we didn’t do any training today, we did some excellent team bonding. And it’s always good to take a break. Get some sleep before tomorrow’s mission.” Allura yawns, before standing up from the couch, waving goodnight and gliding out the door.

Shiro soon follows with Hunk on his tail. Lance and Keith get up too, leaving Pidge alone. She groans as she rolls over pushing herself up off the couch, regretfully leaving it’s warmth. She walks out the door, making her way towards the rooms.

She drags her feet slowly along the corridor. Her stomach rumbles. Maybe she should get a snack before bed. Her legs change course, moving towards the kitchen without her even realising.

God, she’s tired.

She hopes Hunk’s made something that she can steal- food goo right now would probably result on a night with her head over the toilet. She shudders.

It’s a quick trip to the kitchen- Hunk hasn’t made any food for tomorrow that she can eat so she just grabs a cup of water to take back to her room.

It’s silent by the time she’s almost at the rooms, except for a low muttering that she almost doesn’t register. It gets louder as she closes in on the sleeping area, and as she passes the first room on the corridor she see’s why.

It’s not a bedroom but an empty room with a large window that gives a beautiful view of the stars around them.

Lance and Keith are sat in one corner, huddled closely together, a blanket wrapped round their shoulders.

Her exhaustion is immediately forgotten.

What the fuck?

Are they  _cuddling_? She squints, wishing her glasses had a zoom setting. Fucking hell, they are.

She gapes at the scene. What is going on? It’s as if her brain can’t compute what’s she’s seeing.

This doesn’t make any sense. Her brows furrow as her thoughts race, trying to figure out another reason why they could be fucking cuddling together in the middle of the night.

“You know I’d actually chose to fuck you, right?” Lance’s voice breaks the silent. “I wouldn’t kill you off.”

Apparently not. This is one of those rare instances when something crazy actually _is_ what it looks like.

Keith and Lance?

Did she miss the memo about hell freezing over?

Keith’s laugh rings out. “Yes, Lance, I think I know that, since that’s actually happened before.”

Pidge leans forwards so much that she almost falls over. Her brain is about to turn into a steaming pile of shit. _Keith_ _and_ _Lance_? She can’t help but come back to that.

Keith’s face is soft in the low light, a small, gentle smile gracing his lips. “You know I’d chose you, right?” She’s never seen him look this open and vulnerable before.

“Yeah.” Lance smirks. “You can’t not, after having a piece of this hot bod.”

Silence reigns where Keith’s response should be. She leans in even closer.

His smile has dampened, and instead his teeth worry at his lower lip. He stares at Lance.

“No.” He whispers. It’s a miracle Pidge can even hear it. “I mean, for the other one.”

Her mouth forms an o shape. She hears a sharp intake of breath and freezes in her spot by the door. He heart races as she waits for the reply, hidden in the dark.

She should leave, right?

Lance is staring at Keith in utter shock.

She’ll leave after she hears the reply.

Suddenly, Lance surges forwards to smash his mouth into Keith’s, his hands coming up to gently caress Keith’s jaw.

“Me too.” They smile, content to stare into the other’s eyes, drinking the each other in. Lance kisses Keith again, dropping butterfly kisses on his lips, jaw, cheeks, eyelids, nose and then one on the forehead for good measure.

Watching the scene, her heart feels like it might combust. Over the shock, she feels happy for them. She never ever, in a million years, would have seen this coming, but they actually seem to be good for each other. Keith needs someone to open up to, and Lance craves love and attention more than anyone she knows. And Keith does love him. Of this, she is certain.

She creeps away quietly back to her room.

There are still thousands of questions racing through her, (What? When? Why keep it a secret?) and part of her just wants to run back and interrogate them.

But, for now, she’ll leave them be.

**Author's Note:**

> aw they so cuteee
> 
> i always love outside pov fics, especially when it’s like a hidden relationship and the person is #shook, so i’m quite happy with how this came out.
> 
> it was a bit of a self-indulgent fic but i hope u enjoyed it! 
> 
> please feel free to let me know feeback in the comments, i love hearing from you all! :) thanku all!


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